My heart still beats for the other side

I've recently had to come to a place in my life where I begin to take little steps back to being filled again. For 6 months now, I've wandered in the "wilderness" giving my life to idols I've carved out and made my home. All along, I've been aware of what I was doing, but ignored the warning signs along the way. That's disobedience. I'm very good at that. My Father knows that I tend to question His authority and then cower in disregard. And for these last few months I've made quite a pallet there to lay my head upon and rest. This is not good.

This past week I changed that. Well, in part. I've started to make small footprints back into His presence. Not really knowing what was going to be said to me, I felt like I took the plunge. For so long I neglected it--Him, for fear of what He truly had to say to me. I didn't want to hear it and I still fear parts of it. Mainly because I'm scared of what it's going to cost me. What I will have to sacrifice. But that's ok. For now. He just wants my attention. My affection. And I need Him now more than ever.

This season isn't over, not by a long shot. And while that still hurts to some degree, my attitude and heart's desire is slowly transforming and being molded into what He wills for me. I can't complain about that. I like that.