My heart still beats for the other side

I've recently had to come to a place in my life where I begin to take little steps back to being filled again. For 6 months now, I've wandered in the "wilderness" giving my life to idols I've carved out and made my home. All along, I've been aware of what I was doing, but ignored the warning signs along the way. That's disobedience. I'm very good at that. My Father knows that I tend to question His authority and then cower in disregard. And for these last few months I've made quite a pallet there to lay my head upon and rest. This is not good.

This past week I changed that. Well, in part. I've started to make small footprints back into His presence. Not really knowing what was going to be said to me, I felt like I took the plunge. For so long I neglected it--Him, for fear of what He truly had to say to me. I didn't want to hear it and I still fear parts of it. Mainly because I'm scared of what it's going to cost me. What I will have to sacrifice. But that's ok. For now. He just wants my attention. My affection. And I need Him now more than ever.

This season isn't over, not by a long shot. And while that still hurts to some degree, my attitude and heart's desire is slowly transforming and being molded into what He wills for me. I can't complain about that. I like that.

Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le!

This has become my new chant when times get tough :) Just kidding, but it was what the world chanted when 33 Chilean miners emerged from underground last week. I too got caught up in the historic news and I must admit that I've followed their story closely since then, wondering how their return to "life" has unraveled.

One recent article I found caught my attention and reminded me of the power and control God has over our lives and the situations that encompass us. Whether we are called by His name or not, He holds the power over life. I've attached the link to the article at the bottom and want to share it with you. If you don't have time to read it, I'll summarize it in a nutshell--because it's just that powerful!

Campus Crusade for Christ is a Christian organization that has many ministries, one being The Jesus Film Project. On the international side of that, their country director for Chile contacted the miners and asked if they could send The Jesus Film down to them for them to watch. The contact said yes and wrote a letter of thanks for the film. In the letter the contact mentioned that he was sure this would be of great encouragement for each of them and thanked the director again. He said that he was fine because Christ lived in him. At the end of the letter, he said goodbye leaving a verse behind. That verse is to follow.

In His hands are the depths of the Earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him.
Psalm 95:4

Such a fitting verse for their very unusual, but traumatic situation. T-shirts were made and were the very shirts that many of the miners wore as they were rescued last week. On them was the same verse.

I'm reminded that no matter what situation our lives are in, whether we're unemployed, going through a divorce, sick or even trapped in a mine, God holds the depths of the Earth in His hands. What would make us think that He isn't with us during our darkest hours? We can rejoice because He is in control, holding us in His hands.

Link to article:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/14/the-story-behind-the-chilean-miners-jesus-t-shirts/

Real Joy

Not that fake stuff that I've often been decieved into believing. That I look for in my everyday life situations. That starts out with a tight cling from me and then slowly slips away and leaves me feeling hopeless and undeserving. No, not that stuff. That's not joy, at least, not genuine joy.

Back in the spring I asked for it. I pleaded with God and made a promise to Him. I've forgotten about it until now. I do that a lot. A lot in the sense that this is a recurring theme in my life, thus far. I didn't really know what I was doing. I entered into it blindly. I still don't fully understand this season of my life that I requested back then. So much has changed for me since that moment. And I never held up my end of the deal, because I thought I lost my joy in the midst of what I felt has become my misery and sufferings.

But I've come to find out, I never really had true joy, in it's most organic sense. I never aspired to understand or aquire it by any means. My efforts are honorable. But that hasn't found me true joy that lasts for the interior. During those times when selfishness causes me to lose sight of truth and promises. When my feelings become the most vital part of living for me. I'm not even talking about happiness, which I've come to find is truly just an emotion that I can add to my overwhelming list of unreliable feelings. I'm describing coming to know the greatness of my Father. When words and songs can't impart how great He is, that's who I want to know. It's what I appealed for in the spring and what I promised I would make my life about.

Despite my failing resistance, He's pursuing me with His love. To assure within me that His promises still stand and that I can rest in His truth. I'll spend my life to know, but I'm far from close.

My joy is not determined by what happens to me, but what God is doing in me and through me.