Baby Emerson

I did a photo shoot for a baby the other week and here are some pics from the shoot. Since this was my first "real" photo shoot, I didn't really know what to expect, but baby Emerson was so cooperative, I think she spoiled me for other photo shoots I do in the future! Enjoy these pics of baby and some of mama too :)

My heart still beats for the other side

I've recently had to come to a place in my life where I begin to take little steps back to being filled again. For 6 months now, I've wandered in the "wilderness" giving my life to idols I've carved out and made my home. All along, I've been aware of what I was doing, but ignored the warning signs along the way. That's disobedience. I'm very good at that. My Father knows that I tend to question His authority and then cower in disregard. And for these last few months I've made quite a pallet there to lay my head upon and rest. This is not good.

This past week I changed that. Well, in part. I've started to make small footprints back into His presence. Not really knowing what was going to be said to me, I felt like I took the plunge. For so long I neglected it--Him, for fear of what He truly had to say to me. I didn't want to hear it and I still fear parts of it. Mainly because I'm scared of what it's going to cost me. What I will have to sacrifice. But that's ok. For now. He just wants my attention. My affection. And I need Him now more than ever.

This season isn't over, not by a long shot. And while that still hurts to some degree, my attitude and heart's desire is slowly transforming and being molded into what He wills for me. I can't complain about that. I like that.

Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le!

This has become my new chant when times get tough :) Just kidding, but it was what the world chanted when 33 Chilean miners emerged from underground last week. I too got caught up in the historic news and I must admit that I've followed their story closely since then, wondering how their return to "life" has unraveled.

One recent article I found caught my attention and reminded me of the power and control God has over our lives and the situations that encompass us. Whether we are called by His name or not, He holds the power over life. I've attached the link to the article at the bottom and want to share it with you. If you don't have time to read it, I'll summarize it in a nutshell--because it's just that powerful!

Campus Crusade for Christ is a Christian organization that has many ministries, one being The Jesus Film Project. On the international side of that, their country director for Chile contacted the miners and asked if they could send The Jesus Film down to them for them to watch. The contact said yes and wrote a letter of thanks for the film. In the letter the contact mentioned that he was sure this would be of great encouragement for each of them and thanked the director again. He said that he was fine because Christ lived in him. At the end of the letter, he said goodbye leaving a verse behind. That verse is to follow.

In His hands are the depths of the Earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him.
Psalm 95:4

Such a fitting verse for their very unusual, but traumatic situation. T-shirts were made and were the very shirts that many of the miners wore as they were rescued last week. On them was the same verse.

I'm reminded that no matter what situation our lives are in, whether we're unemployed, going through a divorce, sick or even trapped in a mine, God holds the depths of the Earth in His hands. What would make us think that He isn't with us during our darkest hours? We can rejoice because He is in control, holding us in His hands.

Link to article:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/14/the-story-behind-the-chilean-miners-jesus-t-shirts/

Real Joy

Not that fake stuff that I've often been decieved into believing. That I look for in my everyday life situations. That starts out with a tight cling from me and then slowly slips away and leaves me feeling hopeless and undeserving. No, not that stuff. That's not joy, at least, not genuine joy.

Back in the spring I asked for it. I pleaded with God and made a promise to Him. I've forgotten about it until now. I do that a lot. A lot in the sense that this is a recurring theme in my life, thus far. I didn't really know what I was doing. I entered into it blindly. I still don't fully understand this season of my life that I requested back then. So much has changed for me since that moment. And I never held up my end of the deal, because I thought I lost my joy in the midst of what I felt has become my misery and sufferings.

But I've come to find out, I never really had true joy, in it's most organic sense. I never aspired to understand or aquire it by any means. My efforts are honorable. But that hasn't found me true joy that lasts for the interior. During those times when selfishness causes me to lose sight of truth and promises. When my feelings become the most vital part of living for me. I'm not even talking about happiness, which I've come to find is truly just an emotion that I can add to my overwhelming list of unreliable feelings. I'm describing coming to know the greatness of my Father. When words and songs can't impart how great He is, that's who I want to know. It's what I appealed for in the spring and what I promised I would make my life about.

Despite my failing resistance, He's pursuing me with His love. To assure within me that His promises still stand and that I can rest in His truth. I'll spend my life to know, but I'm far from close.

My joy is not determined by what happens to me, but what God is doing in me and through me.

In need of restoration

Hosea 6: 1-3
1Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

It comes out of nowhere. I’m caught off guard by its sudden attack. In a moment, I feel encouraged. In the next, I’m desperate. My eyes start to well up with tears that blur my vision. Before I’m aware of it, my face becomes saturated with despair. I control it no longer. I begin to sob uncontrollably. Every angry, bitter fraction of me seeps out of my body. My mind races wildly with thoughts of misery, deception and anguish. I commence to throw myself upon my bed in angst and continue to weep. I’m wrecked.

I don’t know why or really even how I got to this place. I’ve fallen fatal to the legalistic lies. I’m hurt, sick to my stomach some days of this season. All that is within me is dry. I’m in the process of being stripped. I’m in the process of being broken. I’m in the process of being shattered. And currently, I despise every minute of it. I’m beginning to lose parts of me that I’ve grown accustomed to; were maybe rooted in my garden and easy to cultivate. I’ve lost direction and purpose for a time, and I’m not really sure when I’ll get it back. I hear silence when I try to speak and my heart just grows weary of the efforts. My flesh feels abandoned and alone. Truth seems like a mystery and the promises feel distant. I realize the need of my labor, but I prolong my struggle to find liberation above the rubble. My fears paralyze me as lies flood my mind. Restoration seems isolated. Doubt has encased my perseverance.

Even still, faith has called me to wait upon The shadow I may abide in and His presence to call my home. I’m not joyous about it, but that’s not the point.

Pics from Carla's Wedding!

Here are just a few pics I took from my sister's wedding. It rained that afternoon, but things turned out great!

Opening My Eyes

I recently read an article in a magazine called "In Touch". It was about short-term missions and the way we Americans or Westerners see it. Some very irrefutable points were brought up about the lasting impact we leave on a short 1-2 week trip. Don't get me wrong, I am all for missions of any kind; whether it's in our own backyard or across the ocean. But I understand what the writer is trying to say in this article. He brings up a thought-provoking question: If a trip is mainly catered around changing the participants' lives, is it really "missions"? David Livermore, the writer, goes on to say that missionaries have always experienced life change as a result of their work, but investing tons of money that is mostly aimed at the transformation of the missionaries is a shift in thinking and purpose from the movement throughout church history.

I have to agree. I understand that a trip can change a person's life. I understand that people sometimes glean more from participating than those that they serve. I also understand that God uses these avenues to work in us. This isn't wrong. However, when our aspiration and resolve for serving in missions is only to come back changed and to see what we gain from it, I can't help but wonder what the 'served' feel? The trip cannot just be about our own growth. It has to be about serving and giving to others; it has to be about others.

Livermore also states that our aim should be in discerning what it is that God's already doing there and how we get to join Him. The article lists a few "starting points" when we look at short-term missions:

Ask what's needed. Then ask again and again--don't make the mistake of doing what the locals don't need or want.

Don't do there, what you're not willing to do here--loving on the people there is easy, but don't forget to bring it back to your own community and neighborhood. America prides herself in being "the melting pot" so there are plenty of opportunities to show love to all nations here in the states.

Make debriefing a priority--I understand this one all too well. Too many times I come home from a trip and the thoughts don't process as well once reality hits and I have to go back to my everyday life. Creating a plan for incorporating what we've learned is key in reaching others.

Don't overestimate, or underestimate, the impact of your efforts--we're kind cocky in our thinking that we're "bringing God" to a certain place (as if He's not already there) or that we're giving them so much when maybe their culture just has a different way of life. We also tend to think that building relationships bear no lasting significance.

The last thing this article mentioned and probably the most important and eye-opening aspect the article had to offer were 10 Things Think About. The writer got some perspectives from national pastors and churches and these were the most common statements that came up.

10. You act as if the American church is the true trendsetter for how we should all "do" church.

9. You're so concerned about the evil spirits ruling our land when so much evil breeds in your own backyard--as if our country is "darker" than yours because it's unfamiliar to you.

8. You live so far above our average standard of living and behave in our country as if you're still at home--you say you're not American but biblical in your values, and yet are completely insensitive to our culture.

7. You conclude that you're communitcating effectively because we're paying attention when we're actually just intrigued to watch your foreign behavior.

6. You're obsessed with picture taking and making videos during our evangelistic programs, when this can really be quite embarrassing for us.

5. You underestimate the effectiveness of our local church leaders.

4. You talk about us to your churches back home in such deameaning ways without realizing it.

3. You too quickly get into the action without thinking through the long-term implications on our churches.

2. You view our country as backwards for not catering to or valuing all the cultural things you like and consider "normal" and good--whether food, transportation, dress, music, or technology.

1. We are not naive and backward--we are your brothers and sisters in Christ.

When I read these, I became embarrassed for not thinking twice about some of these things that I am guilty of having done. Short as the article was, it definitly opened my eyes to the world as I have a strong desire for missions. These are things I will be thinking about as I pursue this longing of my heart.



**Eyes Wide Open: Serving with cultural intelligence by David Livermore, In Touch Ministries Magazine, Aug. 2010

Mis fotos favoritos de Mexico

Here are some of my favorite photos from Mexico...not all of them, pero para ahora...

Mal y su comida...:)

rooftop view from mission house...the following are the same.

Some photos from the Kantunilkin, the Mayan village we worked in.

Mama's food was amazing!

Quniceanera!!

She's just precious :)

Pastor preaching to los ninos with a futbol!

Mal y Isai in Tulum with the Mayan ruins.

Mama y Papa :)

Sad because we had to leave :(